Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it hurts more in the daytime
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
