"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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