I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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