wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
