life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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