I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
