In America we eat man semen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
