erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
