Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
