I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize