JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
