dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There r osticjed everywhere
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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