Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
