we made out on top of his cat.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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