So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
