she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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