Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
