i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize