I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
