My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
