Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
