We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
