Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
