Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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