I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
