No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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