Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
