I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
