nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
