Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
