Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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