oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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