when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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