I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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