I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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