fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize