Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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