just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
