Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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