An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
