He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
