What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
