I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
