just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize