i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
