I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
