You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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