the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My vagina is officially offended.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize