:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
