As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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