Well douche your snatch and let's go!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
