i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
