I wish life had little blips of pornography
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
