That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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