No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's like iHOP with fire
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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