the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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