Non-Jews are for practice
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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