Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
