once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
