god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i drank out of a bidet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
