My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
