How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
