We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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