There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
