I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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