I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
