I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
