"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize