Swine flu. Run for my life!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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