I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
